Delay Switch Mechanism

A few weeks ago many of us dads gathered for Dad’s Boot Camp. I shared a rapid “workshop” that I usually give in a 2-hour slot. The workshop illustrates the 35 various things that are going during and after a parent or teacher disciplines a child/teen.

One of those “principles” I call the Delay Switch Mechanism. Here is a short article that illustrates the principle.

Have you ever seen the The Lion King? It is the story of a young cub going through life lessons and then eventually he becomes the Lion King. A few years ago Angie and I had the honor of seeing the musical on Broadway with the Class of 2007. It was great!!

One scene depicts a moment when the father (Lion King) must discipline his young lion, Simba. The young cub was told by his father to stay away from the elephant bones graveyard, but he disobeyed. Worse than that, he took his little lioness girlfriend to the forbidden area. His father does not delay in rebuking his reckless son, and he explained in full detail why it was wrong. There was no relativism. The action was wrong. The young lion cub had made a mistake. But does the father stop there?

No. The scene fades and some moments pass, and the father talks about lineage, generational responsibility and duty. And, then it gets quiet. The next scene brought tears to my eyes.

The father, treating sin as far away as the East is to the West, begins to wrestle playfully with his son. They tumble in a field, laugh, and enjoy a “man-young man” reconnection. That is what I call a well-crafted Delay Switch Mechanism. If you do it too soon after the rebuke, the child’s attention is not gained. Wait a little while, and be subtle.

We adults often find ourselves in the situation of confronting a young person. But we must let the sin and rebuke fade into the background. The rebuked child needs a reconnection; even if it is a pat on the back a few hours later. Getting overly verbal in the “reconnection” deadens the spirit of the action. The reconnection communicates to the child,

“Our connection supersedes the disciplinary moment from earlier today. Maybe you were punished and that is beyond my thoughts now. I have NOT withdrawn my intimate love for you. Now, let’s move on together in this journey of life.”